It's time...

Yes, I've had some time here lately that I have been pondering the meaning of my life. Why in the hell am I here? It seems most time all I do is cause pain. All my hurt from my past seems to haunt me causing hurt to others. Truth is it's time... for a lot of things to happen! It's time to let go of the past. Sure many people hurt me back then, I'm still sensitive to some issues. But the truth is, I am a big guy, I don't get pushed around and I am strong enough to face any challenge. That being said, I don't have to throw my weight around. I want to be remembered as a great big teddy bear, not a monster. I want to be the guy everyone loves but knows I will protect my family and loved ones if you push me to that point. It's also time to grow up in many ways. I am 30, so the immature crude jokes and cursing can remain at deer camp, but I need to be responsible and act my age. I need to be a better role model for my two boys, because I want them to be gentlemen and not angry punks. I also want to be their best friend. I want them to come to me for advice. I want to tell them it's ok to get that tattoo but make sure you think about it long and hard because all mine were permanent and theirs will be too! Do I regret my tattoo's? No! However I do wish I had thought through a few of them a bit more than the five minute option of hey what the hell I want it attitude. It's time I actually start studying in college. I am 12 hours from graduation and truth be told, I've studied for maybe 10 tests in my college career. I winged it because I was and am lazy!!! So instead of the 2.5 GPA I will graduate with I should have been more or less a 3.75 had I put in some what of an effort! It's time I start working out and taking care of my body. I always say that but for real, I've seen so many people that are way too young to leave this world, do just that! It's time I start saving instead of spending. Sure I want that new .45 or that new .30-06 but i can get those later, Sure I want that new atv, but i'd rather pay cash and not worry about a bill every month. It's time I become more financially responsible! It's time that I actually do all of this! And the sadest thing is, It's time I find that friend that I know will be there for me no matter what! I think I do have 1 or 2 of those but the truth is I don't have that one guy that's my best friend! I am always jealous of the guys I know that do. Brian and Jenn's wedding, I was so Jealous of Curtis and Klekar. It turned into a alcohol induced embarassment! The truth is I've been looking back for the past month or so, at where I am, who I am and why. So It's time to grow up! So I am going to start setting goals, small attainable ones at first and then pushing up slowly but surely. It's time to be the man I know I can be and the man I want to be! So here's to growing up!