Birthday or D-day?

So yesterday I turned 29. Damn! Another years gone by another trip around the sun. Still I am not quite where I want to be. It's a damn hard pill to swallow. The woman I love is going through a lot right now and as much as I want to support her she won't let me. It's hard to stand by and watch someone hurt themself or go though hurt because they are afraid to let the truth out or worse yet let you in. But yet I will stand and not falter! I made a promise I refuse to break! And soon we will make a vow in front of God and family! I will never leave in sickness and in health! When troubles hit or the waters are calm I will always be here beside you and behind you!
Mom it seems has come around to seeing the hurt I feel and I think our relationship will improve. Dad on the other hand well he's trying and I see it. That's a whole different story! Maybe by 30 we will have a relationship...
So I busted my ass in school and got a 3.46 for the semester. Thought I was going to receive that'd diploma I worked so hard for but no avail. I came up .03 short on my GPA. To be so close you can taste it. But I must keep going on. It's times like these god says I am testing you, will you turn to me or away from me. I am turning to him, I hope my better half is too! The pains are great for us to suffer here on earth but we who suffer and endure as christ did will have eternal happiness. So basically what I am saying was all these dreams I had for my birthday died yesterday.... But it's ok. Yes I am pissed frustrated and angry. But I know it's not the end of the road! When I got "home" last night, I found a card on the couch. It was 11:45, she was asleep as were the boys. I wasn't sure If I should open it but I did. I was tired had just got in from a 5 hr acts meeting which was very enlightening! And I had just drove two hrs to make sure I was there when she neeeded me if she needed me. What was in that card was the most meaningful poem I had ever read. It was as if she read past my mind deeper into my heart and saw my soul. It made my day. Even when she was at her breaking point she still found a way to think of me. She still found a way to let me know she loves me and that I am loved. Even when she is bearing pain too difficult to swallow or breathe she finds a way to warm my heart. That is the most selfless act of kindness that is living like Jesus that is what love is all about and as I said before to her. Together we can get through anything!
But I go back now. Talking to grandma at the cemetery last night. I miss her! God I miss her. But a song by dierks bentley made me see it in a new light. I'm gonna get there someday. You see he talks about getti g his life right but it's not where he wants to be. And gettig that dream job... But he's not at the top. Meeting that one but scared to settle down all these troubles associated with good. The whole song I think abot myself and my grandma. You see the whole song is a conversation he had with his mother... And at the end of the song he says" well I guess I should be movin on, and I'll just leave these daisies by your stone. And mama I still miss you every day but I know I'm gonna get there someday!" all these good things associated with problems he's still figtingto be where he wants to be just like me but we both know were gonna get there some day!

Another mistake

Well this amazing woman I am dating has a blog and I noticed how much it helped her writing things out. Well I figured I would try this. We aren't perfect and we make mistakes. It seems I have never been able to say what I am trying to say the right way. Compliments come out as insults, romantic thoughts come out like a cheap pick up line and when I am hurt trying to e plain my feelings come out in hurtful expressions or worse yet things I don't mean but say... It seems my mouth out runs my brain and I can't think when I am trying to say something. Well it once again happened last night. I attempted to call my girlfriend because I knew she was having a really bad day. I guess she was just taking time to herself but I got my feelings hurt because I wanted to help her feel better. I have certain beliefs that many would consider old fashioned and out dated. I guess it's time to let some of those go. The thing that hurt me the most was that I was trying to explain that I didn't want my beliefs to get in the way of our relationship and instead of talking about compromise it came out as an ultimatum and me not being sure if I wanted to spend my life with her. After saying it I was immediately tripped up. On my words I realized what I had said was not what I was trying to convey. I felt horrible. I still do and she still won't talk to me. I have never wanted to be with anyone more than I want to be with her. I have already put money down on a ring for her and had picked out a day to propose.... I just hope we can get past this bump in the road... I am not perfect and I make my mistakes... But I do know that it's high time I change my outlook on the world and let go of the negativity. Maybe my beliefs the ones that keep me from certain social interactions and have been the demise of relationships maybe they are what needs to change too. I know this morals and beliefs can't hold me at night like she does. They can't kiss me and tell me they love me like she does... They don't tell me they want to spend their life with me like she does... She makes me happy and my beliefs have made me misserable... I want her, to wake up to every morning for the rest of my life... I love her her name is Briana Renee and she has my heart and soul....