Moment of realization

So lately I've been contemplating if college was for me. I know i can do this but the wall i am up against is sooo huge. Bri told me she won't marry me if i don't finish. I don't want that but am i better at flipping houses and just being russell or do i need that degree. well i finally got a sign i have been needing. I've made excuses to max out my sick days and now i have none left. That means i have to make class for the rest of the semester. Bottom line is, no more excuses. I got an email from AJ and wow it was like grandma was speaking through him. Pushing me to follow my dream. I am so close. It seems so far away though. But AJ reminded me of a song that is near and dear to my heart. My inspiration. I'm gonna get there someday. Yes i am. And on top of that I got a random txt from Bri and she told me she loved me and was sorry for our fight last night. WOW she never does that. It meant so much to me. Things no matter how bleak they are always have a way of looking up. Thanks AJ, thanks grandma (as the tears swell up) and thank you Bri, for believing in me and forcing me to follow my dreams. You truly are an angel of God!

Confused

So I decided to see what these Tuesday things are for bri! I wanted her to see I support her choice to find God and his healing hands. I know the girl has been through a lot! I wanted to go to a support group session but was scared. I kept telling her I was here for her. She got mad at me and said she is the only one that was here for her. Instead she tells me I should go to a group to deal with my own issues. OUCH! I do agree it would be nice... But I was trying to be a pillar of support for her! Instead I got a metephorical slap in the face. It hurt so I walked away and am currently sitting In the truck. It sucks how badly I want in but she refuses! It's cold out here baby! I want inside I want to know it all I want us to communicate! I want there to be an us ! She was soooo mad tonight and I tried making it better and it didn't help! She is struggling on her own and I see it but she refuses to admit how hard it is. I just want to grab her and hug her and tell her to just cry it out! She's too independent for that! I guess I will continue to let her beat me up In a sense because it makes her feel better. I am strong enough to carry all of us but I need her to be willing for me to catch her when she falls.... I am here. Let me in. I want you no matter what you have done or are ashamed of. I see the woman I love in you... So let me in. It doesn't matter what you've done I still love you it doesn't matter where you've been you can still come home... And honey i love you and we've got a lot of making up to do and I can't hug you on the phone so hurry home! I love you babe just let me in!