Rants and raves...

Why do mexicans come to Texas to shop? These sorry bastards (not all) come here and spend money, expecting us to wait on them hand and foot. Yet when they run a stop sign and total a truck 3x the size of their vehicle, it's not their fault because they are tourists! Bullshit! You come here, screw up our retail stores not giving a shit about how it looked or giving respect to those who deserve it. You pricks ignore our traffic laws and don't even carry insurance. I say forget this and close down the damn borders.

Next lazy ass people. I want to work I want to get paid but other people who don't want to work decide it is their place to tell me how to do my job. Screw you! Get off your fat ass and do something. And as for the people who think they know it all. Chances are you don't, hell chances are you screw up all the time! I have to fix your mistakes. I dont know everything but I know when I work with idiots!

People who pay for an education and sleep through class. WTF?!? You fat cow don't snore through a class I really want to be in! You annoy me and piss me the f off! So when I yell "wake your fat ass up" don't look at me wondering what's my problem! You're my fucking problem! If you want to sleep, stay at home. If the lecturer has to bang the piano to wake your ugly ass up three times, go home! Don't ruin my education with your laziness!

And finally, don't piss your fiancé off on purpose. This is directed to myself! I had no problem doing what she wanted me to do today, however I had plans to work on one of her birthday surprises. I didn't want her to wake up and see me workin on it. So instead of taking a chance of not finishing... I purposefully pissed her off!!! Lol it is quite funny to think about it. But I am sure my repercussions are not going to be worth it. I suppose I can come clean tonight. Hindsight is 20/20 and ironically I did finish before she needed me. I guess I shot myself in the foot. However a package for her showed up today that I had to sign for... I would have missed that! Oh well she loves me and I love her and we will laugh about it later!

The truth!

So I am writing this to my special someone. Its time the truth really came out. I am so bad at lying I don't even know what lies I had told. But the truth is you've given me so many chances. I am so blessed to have you in my life. But I am a consistent excuse for a man. I mess up constantly. I am so sick of me being that way. I promise this time will be different. I always said one more chance and if I screw up I'll leave. That was a lie. I can't just walk away from you. I can't just give up on something that means so much to me. I really have changed. I am a new man but I still lie. Truth is sometimes I am scared of you. You get so angry and mad I don't want to tell you the truth. I really am scared of you when you are pjssed. I am trying. So I won't tell anymore lies at all. Not a small one not a white one nothing but the truth. I just want to be with you. I know it's hard to trust me but I can't lose you again and I will do anything to stop that from happening. Please give me a chance to honestly fix this, all of this. I can be the man you need me to be.

Mistakes...

Mistakes... We all make them and everyone says oh no problem... But the funny thing is. No one forgets. You live day in and day out accounting for those mistakes. Even when you had no intentions of repeating said mistake, it always bites you in the ass. Here I am at 3:10am a snoring fiancé to my right with her amazing butt on my hip but yet I had to beg her to come to bed. She was annoyed and irritated with me. You see she lives her life different than most people. There is a side of her life that I feel shut out from. Her friends that are sophisticated and too high class for this country boy. It hurts that I want to be a part of that for her and I always feel shut out. Well the other night I decided I wanted to see pictures from one of these nights heck why not two. Turns out my backdoor approach left me in hot water. But the things she did that hurt me an cut me deeper than she has in some time seem null and void to the fact of what I did. It hurts having to act as if I don't care about that part of her life. I want to be a part of everything she does. The gross stuff the fun stuff the bad stuff I want it all... Because I love her. But I can't love her when I feel shut out, I can't love her when I feel like she doesn't want me a part of he life or that she is accusing me of something that I would not do. To say the least it hurts. I felt so alone and hurt when I knew why she was sleeping on the couch. I had to have her with me but I needed to hear her say why she was on the couch also. Her reasons seem pointless to me although if she is hurt I love her too deeply not to have concern for that pain she feels. Yet my heartache is null and void in this lovers quarrel. I too felt the blade from her betrayal yet the excuse of being drunk seemed to calm the rough seas. Yet the memory remains and the act was done. I refuse to turn her issue with me around on her however I believe I have a valid point. So as I lay wide awake waiting for the stroke of 7 am I plead with the lord to ease her anger, calm her insecurities and give her peace to wake up and let me know she loves me. Because the truth is... Sometimes she makes me wonder how she truly feels, and that my friends is a horrible feeling as well as a tough pill to swallow.