So i figured it out. Bri was right I am self-detonating another relationship. I pick fights for no reason, assume the worst, and all it ever does is cause arguments and hurtful words. I love her so much so why do I do this? I guess maybe I truly believe that I am meant to be single my whole life and go through this misery of one relationship to another. What i really need to do is realize what I am doing and STOP! I am going to lose the one person who makes life make sense if I dont get my shit together. I do not believe that I am always to blame, however I do believe I have a habit of making something out of nothing. I seriously stay at my trailer every night and don't go out up here. I don't want to nor to I believe it is fair to her. I love her and I want her to know that. Yes I have lots of friends here, but they don't see me, EVER! I have passed up hanging out with them so many times because I don't want to hurt her feelings. So I come home after class, work on school stuff, and usually surf the web until she calls which is usually about 6 and then i have a few tv shows and off to bed. THAT is my day here in san marcos, just waiting for thursday.
How do I fix my self-destructing behavior? What do I NEED to do to put an end to the blaming and insinuations and the anger. I know I can't be perfect, but is it too much to ask to be close enough to perfect for her. I know she deserves it. So please Lord, I am asking you to lead me, to show me what I need to do, and to guide me down the path that i need to follow to be the MAN i need to be.
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