well I guess I will start off with the news I just recieved. The guy that swore he wouldn't hire me back at the dealership just told his new parts manager to call me. That says a lot. They must really want me back. That would so very much solve the financial strain I have been under for the past 5 months.
Second, mothers day is sunday. I am spending time with my mother right now, but the real mom that I want to be with is the mother of my boys. She is my life as are the boys. I really want to do something special for her, to let her know, I may have screwed up a lot lately but her strength and faith in me has made me a better man. I want to really go all out (as much as I can afford) and give her the royal treatment.
This led me to the last thing, memories. It seems lately all I have been doing is recalling good and bad memories from our relationship. I remember last summer, it was rough and there came a point when I was at the end of my rope, I packed my bags and left a dear john note. Bri met me at the parking lot and called me out. She asked how I could give up on us, how could I just walk out. And now I realize she's come to the end of her rope with me. It's not easy to say ok Lets give this one more chance, or I'm not giving up because I love you. But it can be done. I remember the hurt I felt from seeing her with another man, and the pain it caused me when she left with an ex for 4 hours that christmas. My heart had been put through the gauntlet. But we all make mistakes, i still remember those occasions, but I realize that she never meant to hurt me. I realize that is in the past. I realize if we truly love one another, we can get through anything. Now I need to really man up and fix all this damage I have caused. I am ready to come home, and really do the right thing. Not just take the blame and deep down blame her. Thats a ficticious front. I need to see my faults and not deny them like I have done for the past 10 years. It time I grow up. Baby, I'm just so sorry it took so long and I am sorry it hurt you and k so much. I'm ready to come home, to a slow healing process, but nonetheless, can I come home?
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