my own advice... and i didn't take it

I told myself yesterday that I was disappearing out of her life till she figured her things out. It is so damn hard. I felt that this past weekend was to where we were coming together again and it confused me soo much. I not only was a jealous jerk again, I also continued to bug her about what we were and what we were working towards. I pushed her away a lot. I know her though, she is still here and loves me but just needs her time and space and proof i will finally stop being a dick. All the empty promises i made in the past are haunting me today. I just wish she knew how hard it was for me to live in the camper. Having lived there for almost a full year, it really mind fucks me. I feel so closed in and alone, it is really depressing. I just wish we could establish a goal and say ok you need space and I need to know where our relationship stands. Last night was a great mistake and I wish I could take it back, but with me it's always one step forward and two steps back... I want her in my life and as my wife so much that I am going to find out how to quit taking those damn steps back...